What's Worse Than a Male Chauvanist Pig?

Are you tired of chicks tearing down men all they want with no represcussions? Are you sick of biting your tongue when you hear them b#$%ing and moaning about how evil and inconsiderate we are? If so, read on, for below are jokes to be used in such a situation. It's time to take the world back, one dike at a time.

• Why don't women have drivers licenses? There's no road between the bedroom and the kitchen!
• God told Adam " I could create you a partner that will always adore you, serve you, never be angry and treat you as a King, the only problem is that you must give up an arn or an leg for it." Adam "No way - what can I get for a rib!"
• The perfect man and the perfect woman are driving down the road and see Santa Clause hitchhiking the decide to pick him up. They are driving down the road when a semi cuts them off. In a brutal accident all die except for one person. Who survived? The man, because just like santa clause the perfect women doesnt exist.
• Three women are standing on one side of a river. A magic genie is there to help them across, and can grant each woman one wish. The first one says, "Genie, make me one thousand times smarter." The genie grants her her wish and she then takes off her shoes and swims across. The second woman says, "Genie, make me a million times smarter." After the wishes is granted she takes some wood, makes a boat, and rows across the river. The last woman says "Genie, make me a billion times smarter." The genie grants her wish and she turns into a man and walks across the bridge.
• Why was knitting invented? To give women something to think about while they're talking.
• How many lesbian vegetarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three; one to screw it in and two to write a folk song about it.
• How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None - she can cook in the dark.
• Why'd the woman cross the road? Who cares? Why was she out of the kitchen?
• What's the best way to fix the dish washer? Slap her
• How do you turn your dishwasher into a snowblower?? Slap her on the rear and hand her a shovel.
• Why don't women need watches? There's a clock on the stove.
• What's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman? A back hand.
• Have you heard about the new divorced Barbie doll? It comes with all Ken's stuff!
• Whats worse than a male chauvanist pig? A woman who doesn't know her f#$%ing place!
• Why was the shopping cart invented? To teach women to walk on their hind legs!
• A man is walking along the beach when God comes down and offers him one wish. The man thinks for a moment and says, "I would love for you to build a bridge from Califonia to Hawaii so whenever I want to visit, I can drive on over." God responds by telling the man, "Do you know how many of the worlds resources I would have to use to build a bridge of that magnitude? All the steel and concrete...it's next to impossible, even for me. Do you have another wish?" The man thinks for a moment and says, "You know, I really would like to be able to understand my wife more. Her emotions, her feelings, what she is thinking..." God looks puzzled then asks the man, "So, you want that bridge to be four lanes or six?"
• Why haven't any women gone to the moon? It dosen't need cleaning yet.
• A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He immediately notices that the guy next to him also has a black eye. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence: we both have black eyes. Mind if I ask how you got yours?" So the guy tells him: "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident, sort of. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the biggest breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying: I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, I said: I'd like a picket to Tittsburgh. So she socked me one." The first guy responded, "Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife: Please pour me a bowl of Corn Flakes, but I accidentally said: You ruined my life, you lousy b#$%.''
• What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you done told her twice already.
• Why are women so bad at poker? Cause they're stupid